Seksverslaving is destructief maar goed te behandelen taboe
ArraySeksverslaving is niet begrepen aandoening die veelal onderbelicht is. Het probleem is heeft grote gevolgen. Wie verslaafd is aan seks heeft een ongezonde, dwangmatige met vaak een groeiende behoefte aan seksuele activiteiten. De bevrediging blijft meestal echter uit, zo stelt Prof. Patrick Carnes. Patrick Carnes is de meest vooraanstaande expert op het gebied van seksverslaving die spreekt op een congres in Nederland op 14 mei. Door de toegankelijkheid van pornografie op het internet, lopen zelfs jonge kinderen = het risico om verslaafd te raken. Door de grote beschikbaarheid van porno via het internet groeit ook het aantal seksverslaafden in Nederland. Vaak ligt de diepere oorzaak van een seksverslaving bij een gebrek aan affectie van één of beide ouders. Omdat schaamte een onderdeel van de problematiek is, zal een verslaafde zijn of haar probleem vaak voor zich houden (bij vrouwen is dat nog sterker het geval). Dat maakt het moeilijk het probleem te onderkennen. Een seksverslaving is gelukkig goed te behandelen. Dokter Carnes heeft daar veel ervaring mee.
Seksverslaving is als cocaïne
Dokter Carnes vertelt dat een seksverslaving net zo werkt als verslaving aan drugs en alcohol en ook een als eetverslaving, het begint in de hersenen en omzeilt de prefrontale cortex (waar de uitvoerende beslissingen worden genomen) en gaat rechtstreeks naar de beloning centrum.Seksverslaving wordt intenser naarmate de tijd verstrijkt. Het gaat dus niet vanzelf over, maar het wordt juist erger. Je hebt steeds meer en heftigere seksuele stimuli nodig om hetzelfde effect te bereiken. Seksverslaving is onbeheersbaar. Je wil stoppen, maar je merkt dat je daar niet toe in staat bent. Je kunt je seksuele gedachten en gedrag niet in de hand houden. Steeds weer opnieuw doe je dingen die je niet had willen doen. Als je seksverslaafd bent, gebruik je seks als medicijn. Bijvoorbeeld als je je verdrietig, depressief, of eenzaam voelt. Door seks hoop je een goed gevoel te krijgen of je negatieve gevoelens te verminderen. Seks maakt chemicaliën in je hersenen aan die je hetzelfde goede gevoel geven als alcohol of cocaïne.
Seksverslaving zeer destructief
Seksverslaving is zeer destructief op een iemands leven. Problemen kunnen ontstaan op lichamelijk, emotioneel, sociaal en juridisch vlak. Zo zijn uitputting, soa’s, zelfmutilatie en zelfs zelfmoord reële gevaren voor seksverslaafden. Schaamte en schuldgevoelens brengen verslaafden in conflict met zichzelf en in isolement van anderen. Relaties lopen stuk en ook op professioneel vlak kan de problematiek prestaties in de weg staan. Grenzen worden steeds verder opgeschoven waardoor een verslaafde door zijn of haar extreme gedrag in aanraking met justitie kan komen. Een seksverslaving is dus vervelender dan gedacht. Sinds enige tijd zijn er ook een behandeling in Nederland. Tijdens het congres op 14 mei vertelt Patrick Carnes hoe maak je als zorgverlener onderscheid maakt tusse tussen plezier, controle-verlies, crimineel en pedofiel gedrag.
Tijdens het congres is er ruim aandacht voor taboe-doorbreking door herkenning en nieuwe behandeling.
In het boek ‘Out of the Shadows’ beschrijft Dr. P. Carnes de cyclus van seksverslaving. De cyclus begint met fantasie en obsessie: je gedachten worden volledig in beslag genomen door fantasieën en ideeën over seks. Hierop volgt vaak het ritueel: de gewoontes die horen bij het voorbereiden van seksueel gedrag. Elke gedachte of gedraging die je gebruikt om je fantasie in de praktijk te gaan brengen is hier onderdeel van. Dit resulteert in dwangmatig seksueel gedrag: je voelt je niet in staat om je gedrag te controleren of te stoppen. Tot slot is er sprake van wanhoop, schuld en schaamte: het hopeloze gevoel dat je hebt direct na een intense seksuele beleving. Je voelt je schuldig en schaamt je voor je gedrag.
Het onbevredigde gevoel aan het einde van de cyclus zorgt ervoor dat je opnieuw op zoek gaat naar seksuele spanningen. Van voor af aan beginnen met fantaseren lijkt de beste manier om verlichting te krijgen van dit vervelende gevoel. De cyclus herhaalt zich. Bij elke herhaling van de cyclus wordt de verslavingservaring groter en intenser.
Ook Tiger Woods is behandeld met de methode van Prof. Parick Carnes. 8 – 10% van de bevolking die pornosites bezoekt ervaart feitelijk controleverlies en dwang. In een aantal gevallen lijkt een genetische aanleg een rol bij te spelen bij het ontwikkelen van de verslaving. Dokter Carnes heeft Chris Knorren (06 832 435 20) van SolutionS http://www.addiction-
Interessante literatuur:
- What We Know About the Sex Addict
- bargains with chaos
- A Unified Framework For Addiction Vulnerabilities In Decision Making – 2008
- PATHOS_2011 PUB Version
PATRICK J. CARNES, PH.D. ~ BIOGRAPHY
Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., is currently Executive Director of the Gentle Path program at Pine Grove Behavioral Center in Hattiesburg, Miss., and the primary architect of the Gentle Path treatment programs for the treatment of sexual and multiple addictive disorders. He is author of Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1983), the first work designed to help addicts deal with their sexual compulsions, and to examine the tangled web of trauma, love, addictive sex, hate, and fear often found in family relationships. He pioneered the founding of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals which specializes in the Certified Sex Addiction Therapist program. This has evolved into a network of local, regional, and residential programs which specialize in this work. Just this month (April, 2013), Dr. Carnes was the keynote speaker at the 1st International Conference on Sex and Love Addiction in New York City.
He has published numerous works as well, including Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (1989), A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps (1994), The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997), Open Hearts (1999), Facing the Shadow (2001), In the Shadows of the Net (2001), Recovery Zone (2009), and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles (2012).
The New Times suggested his book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred (1997) “will create a new wave of understanding about sexuality and the dynamics in intimate sexual relationships.” Dr. Carnes is co-editor of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, a Taylor and Francis publication and the official journal of the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health.
With 30 years in the addiction field, Dr. Carnes is in high demand as a speaker, presenter, and interview subject and continues to be the leading voice in the field of sex addiction. In addition, his assessment tools related to sex addiction and trauma offer therapists a proven means to begin the treatment process with clients.
He has been awarded the distinguished Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), and each year SASH (formerly known as the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity) bestows a “Carnes Award” to deserving researchers and clinicians who have made outstanding contributions to the field of sexual medicine.
From 1996 until 2004, Dr. Carnes was Clinical Director for Sexual Disorder Services at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona. While there, he developed a therapeutic technology based on his landmark study of the recoveries of 1,000 sex addicts. This work is summarized in Don’t Call It Love, which has been described by The New Age Journal as “the best book on the market about addiction and its costs and consequences.”
Previously, Dr. Carnes designed the sexual dependency unit at Golden Valley Health Center in Golden Valley, Minnesota. This unit was the country’s first in-patient facility for sexual addiction. Since that time, he has been instrumental in the development of treatment facilities across the country.
Dr. Carnes graduated in 1966 from St. John’s University in Collegeville, Minnesota, with a Bachelor of Arts degree. He received his Master’s degree in 1969 from Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, and a Ph.D. in counselor education and organizational development from the University of Minnesota in 1980.
You can follow Dr. Carnes on facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/patrickcarnes, watch videos of Dr. Carnes on: http://www.youtube.com/user/patrickcarnes, and get more information about sex addiction and resources for help at www.sexhelp.com.
Education, Experience and Memberships:
PhD in Counselor Education and Organizational Development, University of Minnesota
M.A., Brown University, Providence, Rhode Island
B.A., St. John’s University, Collegeville, Minnesota
Clinical Director for Sexual Disorder Services at The Meadows, Wickenburg, AZ
Clinical Director for The Sexual Dependency Unit at Golden Valley Health Center, Golden Valley, MN
American Academy of Health Care Providers in the Addictive Disorders
American Psychological Association
National Association of Alcoholism and Drug Abuse Counselors
Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health
National Council on Family Relations
PATRICK J. CARNES, PH.D. ~ PUBLISHED WORKS
Dr. Carnes has published numerous books and articles.
The New York Times suggested his book, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred, “will create a new wave of understanding about sexuality and the dynamics in intimate sexual relationships.” Dr. Carnes is co-editor of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal of Treatment and Prevention, a Taylor and Francis publication and the official journal of the National Council of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.
Gentle Path Through The Twelve Principles (2012)
Facing Addiction (2011)
Recovery Zone (2009)
In the Shadows of the Net (2001, 2007)
Facing the Shadow (2001, 2005)
The Clinical Management of Sex Addiction (2002)
Treating Online Compulsive Sexual Behavior (2002)
Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction (1983, 1992, 2001)
Open Hearts (1999)
Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred (1997)
The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships (1997)
A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps (1989, 1993, 2012)
Don’t Call it Love (1991)
Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict (1989)
The Sexual Addiction (1982)
EXCERPTS from ARTICLES ~ PATRICK J. CARNES, PH.D.
“The essential problem church decision makers have is in identifying sexual compulsivity. Typically, pastors who are in trouble for their sexual behavior are not candid with those in authority about their behavior. Nor are they likely to reveal that their sexual behavior is a part of a consistent, self-destructive pattern. This illness causes the pastor to hide the severity of his problem from others, to delude himself about his ability to control his behavior, and to minimize the impact on others. The fact that pastors are to be models of moral behavior compounds the problem because their position adds to their shame and fear.”
“Old Temptation: New Technology; Pornography and the Internet in Today’s World”
Enrichment Journal, Fall 2005
“For years people have regarded sex addiction as primarily a male problem. Yet the numbers have remained steadily parallel to those found in alcoholism and gambling: for every three men there was one woman. In recent years that has changed. In treatment, our female patient population has equaled and sometimes exceeded our male patients. The most concrete empirical evidence of this shift has been recent large studies of internet sex in which problematic cybersex behavior by women was over forty percent. Most striking is the fact the actual behaviors of women are shifting as well as the numbers.”
“Children of Wrath: Women and Sex Addiction”
Counselor Magazine, September 2006
“In many ways the impact of cybersex has been positive. Substantial shame reduction has occurred for those who are now able to contact others with similar sexual interests. Matching programs have facilitated people meeting others, which would never before have been possible. Sexual information and resources are now easily accessible. In short the internet is helping break down sexual stereotypes and negativity in a myriad of ways. On the dark side of this scenario there are emerging patterns of exploitation at a level not seen before.”
“Anatomy of Arousal: three internet portals”
Sex and Relationship Therapy,” Vol. 18, No. 3, August 2003
“As cybersex has become more and more of a problem, what has shifted for me is the realization that many people who were into cybersex didn’t fit the classic profile of sex addicts.”
“Ensnared: Internet Creates New Group of Sexual Addicts”
Los Angeles Times, December 26, 2005
“Sexual anorexia… goes far beyond inhibition or sex negative attitudes. It is an obsessive state in which the thought of being sexual by oneself or with others is almost unbearable. The anxiety produced is chronic and impacts one’s ability to do even some of the most basic social functions. Suicidality and isolation are frequent concurrent issues.”
“Sexual Anorexia”
Paradigm, Fall 2004
“During the past three decades, professionals have acknowledged that some people use sex to manage their internal distress. These people are similar to compulsive gamblers, compulsive overeaters, or alcoholics in that they are not able to contain their impulses with destructive results. The essential problem that all clinicians have is first to identify that they are facing an issue of sexual compulsivity.”
Recognition and Management of Addictive Sexual Disorders: Guide for the Primary Care Clinician, Primary Care Practice, May/June 2000
“Sex addiction is emerging as a clinical entity. With the hard work of many people, this information makes the shadow of sex addiction less elusive now than it was 20 ears ago.”
“The Obsessive Shadow”
Professional Counselor, February 1998
“Sexual behavior usually is about character. The choices one makes reflect one’s sense of responsibility and judgment. But for some people, sexual behavior is an addictive illness. Just as some people gamble, eat, or use drugs and alcohol compulsively, so too do some use sex repetitively and self-destructively.”
“A Question of Character,” Harvard Business Review”
September/October 1999
“Critics of the sexual addiction model often find it difficult to determine the point at which an individual can be said to be sexually addicted. The question, ‘How many affairs does it take to make a sex addict?’ (not unlike the question, ‘How many drinks does it take to be an alcoholic?’) fails to take into account that the frequency of the activity is less important in the diagnosis that the adverse consequences and loss of control accompanying the activity.”
“Gender Differences in Normal and Sexually-Addicted Populations”
American Journal of Preventive Psychiatry & Neurology, 3:1, Spring 1991
“Acknowledge your choices. Avoid the felling that you are a victim. You are powerless about your addiction, but you are in charge of your program of recovery and your lifestyle. In most areas you have choices, which can help you achieve the balance needed in your left. Be proactive instead of reactive, by acknowledging to yourself and to others what your choices are.
“The Addict’s Best Advice”
Don’t Call it Love, 1991
“The clinician must first understand that sexual anorexia does not simply involve an absence of arousal or desire. Rather typically, the core is an obsessive hatred and fear of sex. Essentially, criteria must evolve out of the parameters of the obsession itself as the patient experiences it.”
“The Case for Sexual Anorexia: An Interim Report on 144 Patients with Sexual Disorders”
Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, Vol 5, 1998
“’It’s none of our business’ is a phrase that addiction professionals have heard for years in the business world. The assumption is that business issues should be sharply separated from the personal matters of employees. Yet, with time and research, a growing understanding of alcoholism and drug abuse has revealed that the business world pays huge costs for addiction. While business strive to contain healthcare costs, it is also clear that it is appropriate and cost-effective to intervene in a person’s life if there is an addiction problem. Unless the problem is sexual. Then “none of our business” comes back loud and clear. Talking about sex in our culture is difficult in general but especially in a corporate or business culture. We’re extremely reluctant to approach this most personal of issues. Yet, like other addictions, the costs of sexual addiction can be staggering.”
“It’s None of Our Business”
EAPA Exchange, January/February 1998
“One of the greatest escalators of sexual addiction is the Internet. Cybersex has been termed the crack cocaine of sex addiction. In 2002, sex-related sites became the number one economic sector of the Internet, recording sales that exceed that of software and computers.”
“18.4 Sex Addiction”
Kaplan & Sadock’s Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry, 2005
“One would hope that the spouses of powerful people would supply accountability. But we have the problem of codependency – a family systems concept that recognizes that the partner becomes a co-participant in the behavior of the addict. Enabling and denial are examples of codependent behavior that covers for the addict.”
“Power and Powerlessness in Sex Addiction”
Professional Counselor, December 1998
“Confusion exists about the use of the terms addiction and compulsion. In the case of sexual addiction and compulsion, the issues seem to be more volatile. In part this reflects our cultural ambivalence about sex, and in part this reflects professional ambivalence about sex addiction.”
“Addiction or Compulsion: Politics or Illness?”
Sex Addiction & Compulsivity, November, 1996
“Each of us has an arousal template. As we grow up we incorporate our life and sexual experiences with what we are told or learn about sex into a sexual belief system or map. What we learn about relationships and family is part of our template. This template builds on preferences already determined by our genetic code. Whether we like tall or short, blonds or redheads – it is determined by this mix of physiology and learning. It is the guide we use to what is erotic.”
“Cybersex, Courtship, and Escalating Arousal: Factors in Addictive Sexual Desire”
Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 2001
“It is bad enough that there are still mental health professionals who do not accept alcoholism. It is much worse when we see the stigma against addiction as a willpower problem that is really about character. The most unacceptable is that addiction professionals have not banded together across various specialties to martial political support, funding, and research so that success for our patients is more achievable. A more thorough understanding of the neurobiological realities that are common to each of the disciplines involved could evolve into a unified concept and a common language accepted by all.”
“Bargains with Chaos”
Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, January 2005
